Filmmaker Statement

At the age of 17, I was attacked on my way home from college. I wasn’t being robbed and I didn’t know my attackers. It was completely random. When they finally let me go, I walked home through my local area without asking anyone for help. Even after realising I’d been stabbed, I kept quiet. Luckily, my mum was home and she rushed me to hospital. I wonder what I’d have done if my mum hadn’t been there? How long would’ve it taken me to call an ambulance? And why didn’t I make that call as soon as it had happened, why didn’t I stop someone in the street and ask for help? I know I was in shock, but what I remember feeling most clearly was a deep sense of embarrassment. Being a helpless victim was simply unacceptable, it was the opposite of what I’d learnt a young man should be. As well as ‘Held’ being a personal story and specific to my experience as a young man growing up in London, I hope that it will resonate universally. I think most of us have a dangerous tendency to take responsibility, even blame ourselves, for situations in which we have been hurt and abused, when, in reality, it was out of our control. At its core this film is about shame. The shame of being a victim. Although this film is based on my own lived experience and I myself am white, I always thought it was important the lead character should be black and that I work with a majority black cast. At the same time, I was concerned about how the film might represent the black community. It was something I wrestled with for a while and spoke about with a number of friends and collaborators. In the end, my choice came down to the tragic, unavoidable truth that knife crime in London disproportionately affects boys and young men of African-Caribbean heritage. It’s those boys and their families that I want the film to represent, and speak to, first and foremost. If the film was set in a city such as Glasgow then that would be different. Still, it was very important to look closely at each character and make sure we weren’t falling into any form of stereotyping. Rasaq Kukoyi was excellent as Charles. He’s an instinctive actor, curious and playful, and with an innate vulnerability, which was crucial for the role. During rehearsals I used a lot of improvisation to explore backstory, I wanted to develop a sense of shared history between the characters, for those relationships to feel real and alive in front of camera. The actors responded readily to this way of working, and their performances felt fresh and embodied on the day. I really couldn't have asked for a more willing and open group of actors. From early on in development, myself and Laura Seward (DOP) decided the camera work should be invisible. The challenge was to find imagery that was engaging and cinematic, but without the camera ever drawing attention to itself. Our process was definitely one of stripping things back and finding a language that felt seamless and grounded in reality. Our key references were Andrea Arnold’s ‘Fish Tank’, for its realism and subjective point of view, and Elem Klimov’s ‘Come and See’ – a brilliantly visceral portrait of a young person going through trauma. Both these films strongly influenced my use of camera and sound. Held has been a great learning experience for me. I already knew that realism was where I felt most at home and this process has allowed me to really grapple with that language. I’ve come away with a deeper understanding of what simplicity means to me as a filmmaker. Everyone involved has put so much energy into making this film the best it can be. I’ve been lucky enough to work with a brilliant team of producers and HOD’s, each of them bringing their own expertise and imaginations to the table. The support given to us from BFI Network - from script stages through to the edit - was extremely beneficial. I hope to continue many of these collaborations when making my next film.