Filmmaker Statement

I used to have a tremendous fear of dying alone. It was a feeling that arose so suddenly and would leave me waking up in the middle of the night with panic attacks and occasional depressive moments. Growing up in a Chinese Malaysian family, I often observed how my family seldom talked about love and feelings. My aunt was never married and never had a kid of her own. Hence, when my cancer-stricken aunt revealed that she was having a love affair with a man, it surprised me. My aunt was both a mother figure and a close friend to me. She was also my caretaker growing up. I lived with her until I was old enough to care for myself. My parents lived away from us as they had work and travel commitments. When my aunt got really sick, I became her caregiver and witnessed her health decline. While caring for her, I started questioning my mortality and extreme single-ness. Was I also going to die alone? My dying aunt spoke at great lengths about her imaginary lover. I didn’t mind playing along with her made-believe romance. In return, she showed me how to find happiness. While I was at the saddest point of my life, it was the happiest I had seen my aunt. My intention with this film isn’t to show sympathy to the characters, Emily and Ah Lan, but instead to portray the gentleness in their interactions. The two contrasting characters represent the distinction of two generations linked by the common desire for a longing for love- one in a digital realm, the other in a spiritual realm. There is lightness in the tone as they open their hearts to each other, like two teenage friends having a sleepover and talking about their boy crushes. During the final moments of a person’s life, as the caregiver, we have very little reason to resist what’s right and what’s wrong. We simply provide the space for freedom. We do what is best at the moment. The time we have with the ones in our care is finite. Like an empty bowl between carer and patient, the care receiver can pour anything and everything. The cruelty of Emily withholding the truth from her aunt is juxtaposed against the gentleness she constantly shows to her aunt. My aunt passed away in February 2015. Making this has been a long time coming as I had been reluctant to open up the door that led to all the uncomfortable thoughts of my mortality. But making this also made me realise and remember all the lessons from my aunt, and in that process… I am finally happy.